The Reiki Queens

Yesterday, Friday, I was visited by an amazing group of women. Jane Barger (no relation to Sonny) organized her entire Reiki group, instructor included, to visit me in my abode and give me a multi-Reiki session. I felt like royalty with all this wonderful Yin healing energy around me. During the session I felt again the presence of Ganesh, as though he was dancing in the air above my chest. I felt subtly but profoundly elevated and tonified after my session. Such lovely women with such lovely energy. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to aim your healing skills in my direction. It was awesome being in the center of the Reiki Sisterhood. Thank you Jane, for everything you do, your generosity is only exceeded by your wisdom.

Long Live the Poetry Tribe...

Last night was the Poetry Ruckus at Ducky Waddles's Emporium in Leucadia. The always energetic and entertaining Jim Babwe was the featured poet, a spot I have held in a ruckus past. I really wanted to get out and be amongst the people, and Jerry Waddle's quirky and cool scene was just what I needed. The warmth and love from the poets was wonderful. Thanks to Michael Schmidt for holding this scene together. It was so good to see my poetry homies, Dylan, George, Jim and the gang. Although I was pretty spent by the end, it was great to hear some fresh spoken word. Feeds the soul. See some pics here:

https://picasaweb.google.com/jdbabwe/DuckyWaddlesPoetryRuckus4272011#

In other news, we are all applauding the guerrilla art installation that appeared in Encinitas. It is a beautiful glass mosaic of the Virgin of Guadalupe on a surfboard, with the words "Save the Ocean" on the side. It is on the abutment of the train trestle that goes over Encinitas Blvd. just east of Hwy 101. It is an utterly audacious and fantastic work of art, and should be displayed.

Tube Free at last, thank God Almighty, I'm Tube Free at last!

Greetings everyone. I had my appointment with the wise and sagacious Dr. Bhoyrul today, and now the last tube from my surgery is gone! Hallelujah! What a relief. And you know, he was telling the truth; it wasn't nearly as painful as the drain tubes. He spent some time answering all the questions Amy and I could throw at him, even diagramming out the answers on his white board. I feel better already, even if the site on my stomach is a little sore. He also advised me to avoid strong core contractions for 12 weeks post surgery, so that is another 4 months without Tibetan crunches or boat posture, but, fellow yogis, that doesn't mean I can't include these in the class! I hope to return to yoga class soon, now that I am tube free. It has been a good day. I must be getting better, Amy is giving me chores and errands!! (maybe I'd better lie down for a while ;-)...........)

Happy Eostre, Everyone!

Hello everyone, and happy Easter Day! A dear friend reminded me that I must let go of my previous life to be reborn as...an old man with a gnarly scar across his abdomen? ...a cancer "survivor"? ...some new incarnation of Swami bruce, perhaps. I'm not sure what my "new" life will hold, but sometimes I grieve for my old life. However, I've always known that we can only move forward, never back. The springtime, and it's rituals, are helpful with this process. Fresh eggs from our own chickens, sweet peas from the garden filling our house with their fragrance, poppies blooming and apricots and figs setting fruit, the sound of birdsong...spring is the time to revel in the energy of the natural world. That, and the NBA playoffs. ;-)

I want to take some time to thank everyone for the amazing support you have shown me in the past month or so. So much love and kindness has come my way, in the form of funds, gift cards and gift certificates, food, books, cards, emails, health treatments, visits and phone calls. I am overwhelmed, and until recently physically and emotionally unable to write a single thank you note. Now, I don't know where to start! It is truly humbling how generous and caring all my friends, family, clients and students have been towards me. You know who you are. Please know that Amy and I have been deeply moved by your gifts and kindness and offers of help. It has brought us to tears on more that one occasion. Friend both old and new have given me strength to face the reality of my situation, and for that I am deeply grateful.

I found this info about Easter that I thought I would share:

Before Christianity, “Easter” (Eastre, Eostre) was a Teutonic goddess of dawn, spring and fertility. She is also called Ostara, goddess of dawn, with sunrise celebrations centered on growth and renewal. Prayers to her assured abundant crops, and eggs were eaten and exchanged as talismans.

Other Names of Spring Goddess:

• Ostara
• Ostare
• Ostern
• Eostre
• Eostra
• Eostur
• Eastra
• Eastur
• Austron
• Ausos
• Ishtar
• Ashtur

Symbolizing the beginning of Spring, with brightening and longer days after vernal equinox, Eastre is full of growth and passion of new life. She was the Great Mother Goddess of Northern Europe. She is a goddess of dawn and spring, and her name derives from dawn, the light arising from East. The word, East is related to her and the female hormone, estrogen is named for her.

Soup of the Guru!

Well, now I've got to get well! Today I had a very special visit from my dear friend, esteemed teacher and yoga master Manju Jois and his wife Nancy. It was very, very nice to see them, as always, and just brought me much joy. But the best part? Manju's soup! They walked in with a big tupperware container of some of the best soup this side of south India! Manju is famous for his soup, and I regard it as a very real blessing to be so gifted. I remember as a young yogi being invited to Manju's house for a cooking lesson and meal of the resulting soup. Good times! It just made me feel so connected to such a wonderful community. We sat and chatted for about an hour, comparing stories and giving updates. Manju took my name and birth information to forward to a brahmin priest in India for a personal ritual for my health and well being. He also advised me on some mantras that will help my health. Thank you Nancy, thank you Manju. Thanks for the soup and the gift certificate to Sunshine Gardens! The soup has fed both my body and soul. Blessings upon you and your families.

Finding Chemo

Hello everyone. I’ve been remiss in my duties of keeping this blog up to date, and I will remedy that now. My convalescence has been going fairly well. I have been putting some weight back on and also have started some walking! My personal best is about 6 blocks. Not much but a good start. The digestive issues, while still around, seem to be at least manageable for the most part. I get very hungry around lunch time, and can eat well at that time. But interestingly, dinner is not what I look forward to. So lunch is the big meal of the day. So be it.

I was reminded that the plan was to start chemotherapy within 6 weeks of surgery. I was referred to one Dr. Pushpendu Bannerjee, who has his practice in the now well traversed XyMed Building next to Scripps Memorial. I have to say, after clawing my way back to getting my body to some faint semblance of normalcy, the thought of dripping poison into my bloodstream seems a little crazy. But my reasoning mind knows that this is the best option for my long term survival. With my trusted advocate Amy by my side, we entered the office of Dr. Bannerjee. He was generous with his time, answering many questions, and asking many of us. He informed us that the drug of choice is called Gemzar, or, generically, gemcytabine, and how it would be administered. I/we hoped to avoid an IV port, hoping my veins are up to the challenge. I could get my blood tests done at Scripps right here in Encinitas, and would need those weekly, to be sure I qualified for chemo each week. The real issue with Dr. Bannerji is whether I will need radiation. He thought long and hard about this, and admitted that the decision was not his to make. Instead he forwarded me via email 19 pages of abstracts of studies about the effectiveness of radiation in cancers similar to mine. I am to read this, digest it, and then have a meeting with a radiation oncologist in a couple of weeks. So I have my work cut out for me. I really am hoping to avoid radiation. I figure the damaged nuclear plants in Japan have supplied enough as to make it unnecessary to need more. My chemo protocol should get underway in very early May.

I had a wonderful conversation with an old friend/colleague Matthew S, who was very helpful in a lot of ways. Firstly, I had heard that he really liked his oncologist, so I wanted a referral. Turns out the doctor he liked so much is the same Dr. Bannerjee! We also shared the same surgeon, Dr. Bhoyrul! This seemed to endorse the path that I am on. Matthew was also very helpful with some insurance information which seems about to help us immensely, along with other good information. Thank you, Matt, and blessings to your health.

I have not taken any nutrition from my feeding tube since last Saturday, and if I can make it a week, and I think I can, then Dr. Bhoyrul will take it out at next visit. He promises that it is a lot less painful than the drains. I don’t know if I believe him. But it will be the final tube coming out of my body. This would be cause for celebration, if I was celebrating these days. Wish me luck…

29 Years!

Hello everyone! Just a quick post to say that today Amy and I celebrate our 29th wedding anniversary. Although perhaps not as festive as anniversaries past, we revel in the simple pleasures and time spent together. I must say again, we are amazed by the generosity of our friends and neighbors, in fact we have been moved to tears on several occasions by the love and resources that have been sent our way.

To my dear wife, thanks for 29 great years; here's hoping for many more...

A Milestone

Yesterday, Friday, was a bit of a milestone in my recovery. It had been a tough week, battling digestive issues, no appetite, etc. Then on Thursday morning, at the end of my tube feeding, Amy and I had the idea of opening up a pro-biotic capsule into the water that fills the syringe that flushes the tube. In other words, we were introducing the beneficial flora right into my small intestine. This, I might add, is definitely not standard medical practice so we were taking a bit of a chance and venturing into unsanctioned waters, so to speak. But lo and behold, within a few hours I started feeling better. Markedly better. It was apparently a gamble that paid off.

Back to Friday, and my doctor’s appointment. I have been waiting anxiously for this day to arrive, since it held the promise of the removal of my surgical drains. What a pain those drains had been to my life, getting in the way of just about everything. We arrive at Dr. Bhoyrul’s office a little early, and the waiting room was filled. Fridays are “clinic” days at Dr. B’s, and a steady stream of patients were called back to the exam rooms, and then leaving one by one, until it was just me and Amy left. We were called back to the exam room, where we sat in the same place we had sat almost exactly one month ago. I recalled being sickly and scared when I first met the good doctor, and he sketched out the intricacies of the Whipple procedure on the white board that hung on the wall. What a month it had been. The roller coaster of the last 6-7 weeks played in my head. Here I sat, after major surgery, weak, but minus one tumor and plus one functioning bile duct. But I digress…

As we waited in the small exam room, Amy sensed my anxiety, and asked me what I was worried about. I told her that I didn’t know what was involved with the drain removal or if I could handle the disappointment if for some reason the drains needed to stay in longer. She laughed at my concerns, told me not to worry. A moment later, Dr. Bhoyrul swooped in with apologies for making us wait (unnecessary) and we exchanged hugs and formalities and then got down to the business at hand. A review of the last week, discussion of calories and protein requirements, a vitamin protocol, etc. Then he looked at my drains and agreed it was time for them to come out. He extended the foot of the exam table so I could lay flat, and proceeded to glove up and get some scissors to snip the sutures that held in the drains, all the while keeping up a banter about something that totally eludes me know. Then, without one bit of warning, he proceeds to pull on the lower drain. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! The pain was shockingly intense! I let out a blood curdling scream. What I thought would be 3-4 inches of tubing turned out to be about 18 inches, and I could feel it snaking its way out from deep around my intestines. Every inch that came out was excruciating. I lifted my head to see what the heck was happening and the first thing I saw was Amy’s face, with her blue eyes big and round and her mouth in a silent “OHHH”! Before I could regroup, the dear doctor set upon the second drain and the whole process repeated itself, scream and all! I had no idea that there was that much tubing inside me, and Amy told me later that the last 6 inches were “flat, like fettuccini”. You can imagine how good that felt coming out. Dr. Bhoyrul just smiled and said, “Now you know why I scheduled you to be the last patient at clinic today”, meaning he didn’t want my screams to scare his other patients. Glad to help, doc. I was a little shaky for the rest of the day, but woke up today with a fine appetite and feeling quite a bit better.

I will feel much more mobile without those damn drains, and hope to start some forays out into the world in the next few days. Hope to see you around town. Thanks for listening.

So much love

As I sit and drink my coffee, look out the window to a beautiful Friday morning and look across the table at Bruce it feels like life is becoming a bit more normal. Thank God! What a crazy month it has been for the Stephens family at 1047 Guadalajara Drive. The one thing that has kept it from being over whelming at times is all the love and support coming our way from all of you. Our family, friends, students and clients have reminded us over and over how blessed we are to have you all in our lives. THANK YOU!!!!

The wonderful food, kind words of support and encouragement, the help financially, the holistic treatments and the visits have all helped to bring Bruce and I to a much calmer and healthy place. We know that its going to be a long and sometimes bumpy road but with all of you helping us when we stumble I know in my heart we will get through this and come out stronger people.

If this journey has taught me one thing it is that we never know whats going to be around the corner but with our "tribe" by our sides we are much stronger and able to battle the obstacles in our way. Thank you all for being in our tribe.

Much love to all of you....

Dear friends -

Today was a good day. After a string of days that were a bit discouraging with the digestive issues I've been dealing with, today I woke up feeling better. The probiotics may be kicking in, and the warmer weather is much to my liking, especially since I am so skinny these days. Also today, we had our yard cleaned up by a wonderful gentleman named Antonio, sent our way by Johnny B. (Thanks, John!) I am figuring out my dietary possibilities and restrictions, they become a little clearer every day.

I am so looking forward to tomorrow, in that I will get my surgical drains removed. This will simplify my life quite a bit and make me more mobile. I'm talking a possible beach walk, etc. I will post the results of my doctor's appointment tomorrow.

In the middle of a rough night a few evenings ago, i sat alone in my living room about 3am. One is giving to pondering one's life at times like this. Out of me came this poem, which I dedicate to my lovely and amazing wife:

You are Here

You are here

My mind attacked

My body wracked

Unceasing pain

All loss, no gain

And you are here

In delirium I swim

No vigor no vim

Feeble and weak

Only a pillow to seek

And you are here

So many years ago

The vows were said

When young and strong

So unafraid

Now you change the dressings

And give me your blessings

Because you are here

Beyond the time

Above the fray

You could have gone

But you decided to stay

Now my life goes on

When it so easily could be over

Alive today

You must know

So I will say

Because you are here.

-by Bruce Stephens, dedicated to my wife Amy, April, 2011

Reader's Digestion

I’ve done enough reading about the recovery from the Whipple procedure to know that the likelihood of digestive weirdness is quite high. I have been sailing along doing quite well until last Friday afternoon when my bowels decided to exist in some parallel universe from the one I have been inhabiting. I will spare you the details, but let’s just say I was very uncomfortable and my eating and sleeping patterns, already impacted, were disturbed even more. I assumed this was a transitory condition, but by Sunday morning, no real improvement. Thank god for the internet, and the gracious Dr Bhoyrul giving me his personal email address. You see, Dr B is in London this week, checking in on his mother. I could have contacted his colleague he left in charge, and I was loath to bother him on his personal time. But a quick email strategy session led to some over the counter meds and a script for some digestive enzymes and as I write this on Sunday evening, I am feeling much better.

I would also like to apologize to any and all dear friends who had hoped to visit over this time, but I put off because of this situation. I’ll be better soon, and as my energy level improves I would love to visit with each and every one of you.

Also, since it is springtime, one of the busiest times in the garden, we have fallen behind in our chores and duties. Amy, for some reason, won’t let me pull weeds or sift compost. But we have tomatoes to plant and mulch to lay down, etc. If anyone knows of a like minded person, young or not-so-young, who we could hire to help us with our yard/garden work for a day or a couple of half-days, let us know. Now if the Lakers could just win a damn game…

“But as time passed I came to experience a different kind of prayer, a silent one, requiring more listening that speaking.”

- Patti Smith, “Just Kids” (NY Times Bestseller)

Just a quick note to say I had my first post surgery Doctor’s appointment today, and everything checked out very well. It was good to see Dr. Bhoyrul again, and he assured me the surgical drains will be coming out next week. He answered all my questions, and did a body mass test. I am down to 182 and change! Pretty skinny for a big guy like me, but the good Doctor assured me that I am holding on to my muscle mass very well. Basically, at just over 2 weeks post surgery, it would be hard to imagine doing any better. I can’t wait to get back to some physical activity, but all in good time. Right now it is just more rest and recovery, but all the signs are trending in the right direction. Thank you everyone for your concern and kind thoughts. Nurse Amy tells me its nap time, so I had better listen!

When I was packing for the hospital, at the last minute, almost as an afterthought, I threw in a book of poetry by the great Bengali poet Rabindranath Tagore. Tagore is something like the Walt Whitman of India, but perhaps even more diverse. He wrote poetry, songs, plays, and kept up a correspondence with intellectuals all over the world. One of his most famous works is called “Gitanjali” which was gifted to me by a client, born in India, when she found out I was into poetry. This copy has a beautiful introduction by W.B. Yeats. During some of the dark days in my hospital room, post surgery, the words of Tagore spoke to me deeply. One passage in particular stood out, and I would like to share it with you here:

Life of my life, I shall ever try to keep my body pure,

Knowing that thy living touch is upon all my limbs.

I shall ever try to keep all untruths out from my thoughts,

Knowing that though art that truth which has kindled the

light of reason in my mind.

I shall ever try to drive all evils away from my heart

and keep my love in flower,

knowing that thou hast thy seat in the innermost shrine of my heart.

And it shall be my endeavour to reveal thee in my actions,

knowing it is thy power gives me strength to act.

An Interesting Day

Today was an interesting day. I woke up early and was able to unload the dishwasher! This is the first thing I have done in over two weeks that is not only for my own condition. It felt good, a minor milestone, if you will. I then had a tube feeding, which took a couple of hours. Then, with a few raindrops falling down, I listened to a guided meditation provided by our friend Cat Light. This put me into a very deep state of relaxation, and I slept or something like it; a profoundly altered state.

I was able to eat a decent lunch and get it downstream without any problem, another small victory. I settled in to read and knock out some crossword puzzles. A shower and a shave, although a bit of an ordeal with my tubes and dressings, sure does make you feel better. Cat also introduced us to a wonderful lady named Tina, who has been trained as a healer and works for free! They stopped by around 4 pm and Tina worked her magic on me right on the living room couch. Again, I entered a profoundly deep state of consciousness. I know from my work that such states are very potent adjuncts to healing. Thank you Tina, thank you Cat; it would seem that the Universe is “conspiring in my favor”.

All in all it was a very good, restful and healing day. A few more like this, and I may be ready to try folding some laundry! So many nice notes from clients, friends and former students has really warmed my heart. Thank you all for you good wishes and kind words; it feeds my soul.

Laughter is the best medicine, and one of the best purveyors of said medicine is my interesting poet friend Jim Babwe. His brand of crazy wisdom always brings a smile to my face.

Thank you, Jim. Keep the crazy train rollin'.

Back at Home

 Hello everyone. The previous post was actually made from home, since it
 took that  long for the blog to be set up. Many thanks to Michael
Brown, a gentleman and a scholar, who set up this blog and visited me
today to get me up to speed. 

I returned home from the Hospital last Wednesday, soooo glad to be back
in the bosom of my family and home. I am still sporting a couple of
surgical drains and a feeding tube, so my condition is still a bit
precarious. My digestive system had been pretty much shut down and now
must be gently coaxed back to life. As Amy put it, I am like a newborn,
which is true in that I can only eat small meals of soft food at about 2
 hr intervals. If I overdo it, nausea and heartburn rear their ugly
heads very quickly.  I tire easily, and take numerous naps.  But I'm
home, and feeling just a little bit stronger each day.  I have been told
 to expect a month of recovery at home. All in all, considering the
severity of my surgery, I am actually ahead of schedule, but it is hard
not to get impatient, and want to speed things along. I have an
appointment with Dr. Bhoyrul on Thursday, and will know more after that.
  My son Myles was in town on his spring break; so good to have your
loved ones close. My daughter Carmen, still tricking out her new
apartment in Leucadia, helps and visits every day. She is a cool head in
 a crisis, to be sure, and it is great having her so close. Her
"goodnight Papi" texts every evening are the sweetest thing ever.  Amy
is amazing with her ability to juggle so much with her business, school,
 household duties and, oh yeah, an invalid husband! Amy, you are the
Goddess we all claim you are. My friends and family and colleagues have
all been so sweet and considerate, but I hope you will understand that
my stamina is very low, so sometimes I need to just have some quiet time
 for napping and attention to such things as tube feedings, changing
bandages, etc.  Hopefully, as I get better at this blogging stuff, we
can post pictures, songs, links etc. Hope to meet you back here soon.
Peace,
Swami bruce

My Journey with Ganesh

I sit here writing this from room 437 of Scripps Memorial Hospital in La Jolla, California. I am a few days out from major abdominal surgery, something called the Whipple Procedure. Never having had any major surgery in my entire life, the experience is a rude awakening in the ways of the body under siege and the ways of modern medicine. How I got here is the story I would like to tell you.

A little backround. I am a 55 year old male, living in Encinitas, one of the yoga capitals of the world, and yes, I am a yoga teacher, as well as a bodyworker and wedding officiant. I surf. I have an organic garden. No tobacco, no alcohol to excess, plenty of exercise, no red meat. Basically, up until about 2 months ago, I was in excellent health; or so I thought. Sometime late last year, I started experiencing some days of fatigue and lassitude, much to the dismay of my beautiful wife. But up until the end of January, I was still surfing sizable overhead waves, having some great yoga sessions and working the winter garden. However, by early February, it became clear that something wasn’t right. I started manifesting the symptoms of liver dysfunction. I was able to carry on while I researched what my symptoms might mean. It seems likely it could be gall stones, especially since they run in my family, and since they are common in the Native Americans of the southwest and northern Mexico, of which I share some DNA. With a referral from a yoga student, I saw a GP (General Practitioner MD) with great knowledge of natural healing. He agreed that gall stones was a possibility, and sent me for a sonogram to confirm the diagnosis. But alas, the sonogram showed a clear gall bladder. But there was no doubt I had a blocked bile duct, and in fact was starting to manifest jaundice, a yellowing of the skin and eyes caused by a backlog of bile into the blood stream. And the fatigue and digestion issues had become much more intense. So an MRI was ordered, and there it was, a “mass” on my pancreas, blocking the bile duct. Then things really started to happen fast.

I was referred to a gastro-enterologist in La Jolla, who laid it out for me. I needed surgery, and I needed it quick. This was a stunning development. It was apparent that pancreatic cancer, even the possibility of it, was nothing to mess around with. I was immediately referred one story down to a gastric surgeon named Dr. Sunil Bhoyrul. Thank god my wife was with me, because my head was spinning.Waiting in the exam room, I knew my life was about to change dramatically. In walked Dr. Bhoyrul, who graciously and articulately, without any hint of condescension, laid out the details of the Whipple Procedure, and said he had already cleared out his schedule on the next Wednesday for this. This clear eyed man of Indian descent with a slight British accent was fully present, and as a long time meditator, I recognized the clarity he brought to bear on my situation. Still, my impulse was to run out of that office and never come back. But I didn’t, mostly because of the incredible persona of the good Doctor. As we sat in stunned silence in a waiting area, getting ready to fill out some forms, I glanced into his private office and there, on his window sill, was a statue of Ganesh, the elephant headed god of Hindu mythology. Suddenly, I knew that I had come to the right place. Ganesh is known as the “remover of obstacles” and certainly my situation fell into that category. I pointed out Ganesh to my wife, and she gifted me with a smile and squeezed my hand.

The next day was a whirl of blood draws, EKGs, hospital forms, etc. During a meeting with Dr. Bhoyrul, he invited us into his private office, where we saw 4 more images of Ganesh. I shared with him my appreciation of this and my personal connection with the elephant headed son of Shiva. He warmly shared with us a story from the annals of Ganesh mythology and also shared that his first name, Sunil, is another name for Shiva. This was meaningful to me, in that Shiva, among the trinity of Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva, is the “yogi god” and the patron and protector of yogis. Again, I had the feeling that I had been led to this kind man’s care. He also shared how he meditates before surgery. But the day was not without drama. A last minute CT Scan was ordered, to make sure that I was in fact even a candidate for this potentially lifesaving operation. This involved another trip to the imaging center at the hospital, drinking an awful, milky liquid, waiting 20 minutes, and taking an IV that seemed the size of a garden hose before the actual scan. Finally Dr. Bhoyrul called around 5pm and, having reviewed the images, assured me we were good to go. My wife and I finally exhaled.

The weekend was a tough one, since I was growing weaker by the day, and like the great sage Tom Petty once said, “the waiting is the hardest part”. We came to call the day of surgery “Big Wednesday” after an old surf movie. Interestingly, to pass the time that weekend, we watched a show on TV called “House Hunters International”, and this episode happened to take place in the Seychelles. There, in one of the houses being viewed, Ganesh made an appearance! A rather large statue of our now favorite Deity came with the house, apparently. The days passed slowly as we put our affairs in order in preparation for the surgery. Tuesday evening, my wife and I watched the sun set over the Pacific, grateful that we live in such a beautiful place.

Check in at the hospital was at 5:30 am, so we awoke in the dark and I showered with the special surgical soap and off we went. I got my hospital bracelet, changed my clothes, and was ushered into the pre-op area, with my wife; Amy is her name, by my side. The pre-op rituals were done, the IVs poked and taped, and for a few moments it was just Amy and me, holding hands. I couldn’t get enough of her pretty blue eyes, and drank of them with all my might. We both teared up when she reminisced about our first date. No man could ask for a sweeter moment from his woman.

Dr. Bhoyrul showed up, with another esteemed colleague, Dr. Hyde, who had agreed to sit in on the surgery. I was very fortunate to have not one but two top surgeons on the case. They appraised my abdomen, expressing happiness that I wasn’t over weight. Then it was time. I once again expressed my love to Amy, and, turning to Dr. B, made a fist for a fist bump and said, “Jai shri Ganesha, Doc”. My thinking was that if I should not make it out of surgery, at least my last words would be professions of love and the name of God on my lips. But Instead of a fist bump, the good doctor’s eyes seemed to moisten and he took my fist in his hands and held it to his heart, and said “Yes! Yes, Jai shri Ganesha! We will take good care of you!” I could now relax into my fate, and the last thing I remember is being wheeled into the Operating Room and scooting over onto the table under the lights.

I awoke about 6 hours later in the SICU (Surgical Intensive Care Unit), hooked up to a truly amazing array of IVs, monitors, catheters, tubes. Family members made a brief visit, but I admit it is all pretty hazy. After one night in SICU, I was transferred to the room where I now sit. I will say this: some people believe in angels, the kind with wings and halos. But the angels I believe in wear hospital scrubs and purple gloves and sort out complex issues with IVs and feeding tubes at all hours of the day and night and do everything in their power to make you as comfortable as possible during this intense ordeal. Truly, the nursing staff of this hospital has earned my undying gratitude and affection.

Dr. Bhoyrul checks on me twice a day, and assures me that I am recovering very well, the best possible outcome for such major surgery. His visits are a bright spot of my days in here, in that we often spend a few minutes discussing philosophy, or poetry, or some such before getting down to the medical details of my recovery. The words of the great Bengali poet Rabindranath Tagore were of great solace to me while in hospital. As the infomercial says,” But wait! There’s more!” The kind doctor made his apologies for a day off his rounds on Sunday, and had a colleague check in on me. He most certainly had earned some time with his family. But being in the hospital means you have a lot of time on your hands and Sunday evening found me watching “The Amazing Race” on network TV. I chose to do this for two reasons: one, Amy often likes to watch this show, and watching it made me feel close to her; and two, this leg of the race took them to India, which piqued my interest. Well, now it really gets curiouser and curiouser, because one of the tasks the contestants were given was to paint and decorate a statue. Not just any statue, mind you, but, you guessed it, a statue of ...Ganesh! As I watched yet another strange coincidence with my elephant headed benefactor, who walks in but Dr. Bhoyrul! All I could do was to point at the television and say, “Look! Ganesh!” Even the kind doctor was amazed at the timing, and sat down shaking his head at the nearly surreal coincidence. He explained that he hadn’t planned to visit, but had to stop by his office (in the medical building next to the hospital) and decided to check in on me anyway. Between Ganesh and a doctor named after Shiva, I guess I was in good hands.

All this being said, the news wasn’t all good. The lab report came back and Dr. B didn’t mince words. Adenocarcinoma, stage 3. Not what we had hoped to hear, but certainly what we expected. Not the worst diagnosis, not the best, really right down the middle of the road. I am being referred to an Oncologist. Another mountain to climb, I suppose.

I hope to be released on the second “Big Wednesday” one week post surgery. I can’t wait to get back to the love of my family and the comfort of my home. I will pack up my two small statues of Ganesh that have sat in my hospital room, and return to my home in Encinitas to see what the future holds. The rest of this story remains to be written. Thanks for listening to my journey so far.