Friday, May 27, 2011

May Days and Kindness...

Greetings, everyone. I hope you have been enjoying the spectacular May weather we have been forced to endure. Compared to last year's cold, grey spring, this one is really a treat. After a few woozy days due to the initial chemo, I woke up feeling very much better today, actually quite good! Perhaps it was getting started on the herbal protocol from Diane Yamamoto Skowron, a pharmacist and herbologist, owner of Chassom Tea Salon in Pasadena, Ca. Her knowledge of the particular drugs used informs her herbal formulas. My sister Sarah connected us and Diane has provided me with a daily tea to help with chemo symptoms and a powdered mushroom blend, meant to be eaten 4 out of 7 days, to help support the immune system and work with the chemo to fight the cancer.

Perhaps it was the kombucha that I drank yesterday. Call me crazy but I always feel better when I drink that stuff.

Perhaps it was the three wise men who showed up at my house. We shared dinner and watched large athletic young men put an orange ball through hoops in amazing feats of physical prowess.
(I'm rooting for Dallas)

Perhaps it was the visit of the lovely Emily and her newborn Olivia. That precious newborn energy is worth it's weight in gold. (Congratulations Bob and Emily!)

Perhaps it was the beautiful wedding I had the privilege of officiating today at the Scripps Forum, a spectacular seaside setting in La Jolla (Congratulations Kaitlyn and David!)

Perhaps it was feeling useful again, out in the world, part of it and the cycles and rituals therein.

I was forwarded this lovely poem by my sister Shelley:


Kindness

Before you know what kindness really is

you must lose things,

feel the future dissolve in a moment

like salt in weakened broth.

What you held in your hand,

what you counted and carefully saved,

all this must go so you know

how desolate the landscape can be

between the regions of kindness.

How you ride and ride

thinking the bus will never stop,

the passengers eating maize and chicken

will stare out the window forever.


Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,

you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho

lies dead by the side of the road.

You must see how this could be you,

how he too was someone

who journeyed through the night with plans

and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,

you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.

You must wake up with sorrow.

You must speak to it till your voice

catches the thread of all sorrows

and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,

only kindness that ties your shoes

and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,

only kindness that raises its head

from the crowd of the world to say

It is I you have been looking for,

and then goes with you everywhere

like a shadow or a friend.

-Naomi Shihab Nye


I am reminded of these words by the Dalai Lama: "Practice kindness whenever possible. And it is always possible."

Happy Memorial Day everyone.

Peace,

Swami bruce






Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Quick Update...

Greetings everyone

I’m doing OK after my first of 20 planned chemo treatments. 19 to go. The treatment included an anti-nausea drug and steroid to make the nausea drug work. I may opt out of that next time. I feel OK, just a little feverish. I wasn’t able to meet with the Oncologist today, but have 15 min scheduled with him next week. But I was given the reports from the blood tests and CT scan. The nurse gave me her input, and the news is generally good. The scan was said to be “unremarkable” with no metastases in liver or stomach. A few lymph nodes were lit up, but this is to be expected after surgery. The blood test for the cancer markers was well in the normal range; low end, in fact. These are really just baseline readings that will be compared with future scans and blood tests, but as far as I can tell, the results are positive. I will know a little more after meeting with the oncologist next week.

So I am underway with the chemo. Also got a haircut in preparation for the weddings this weekend. I found out that the worst days may be 3-5 days after getting the drug. So maybe I didn’t time it just right, but we will find out.

Thank you all for your kind words of support, your prayers and generosity. Amy and I have come to realize that we live in a wonderful web of love and support, and it makes this process easier.

Well, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it! Talk again soon.

Swami bruce

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Naps and scans and slams, Oh my!


Greetings one and all. I hope this posting finds you and yours in a healthy and happy place. Spring is in full swing and that alone is cause for a smile or two. We had an nice Rapture around here, and I hope you did, too. I have continued to slowly return to some semblance of my former self, albeit a lighter an slightly more frail version. It is really kind of fun taking really good care of yourself. I'm talking naps, healing touch treatments, acupuncture, naps, guided meditations, naps, special diets, and beach walks. And naps.
But the big news is that after several delays, tomorrow I start my chemo treatments. The good news is that I will be taking them right here in Encinitas. The bad news is that it is still chemo. Tomorrow I am also hoping to get the results of a blood test and a CT scan I took last Friday. So for the first time since surgery, there will be an attempt to get some data about the presence (or hopefully, lack of) cancer. It's hard to get much done with all your fingers crossed.
I've got to give some props to the American Cancer Society. They have called and sent info and a small sum on a gas card to help with transportation to the treatments.
In other news, I won $42 on Friday night at a little poetry slam at the San Dieguito Heritage Museum. Second place. It was fun, some first time readers and and audience that was fairly new to spoken word. Always good to throw down some words with the poetry tribe.
Oh, and the chickens are all fine, thanks for asking.

Until the next apocalypse,
Swami bruce

p.s. - Speaking of poetry, I thought I would leave you with a little T.S Eliot:

I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

—T. S. Eliot, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.”





Sunday, May 15, 2011

Dancing Ganesh

If you have been following along you will know that Ganesh, the elephant headed son of Shiva has seemingly my personal guide on this journey. Well, Ms Carole Carden, fashionista from here to Texas, creator of Solo on Cedros, and dear, dear friend gifted me this beautiful bronze statue of the dancing Ganesh. It belonged to her partner Richard, a man I knew and admired, and I am honored to have it in my home. Thank you Carole, I particularly love the dancing pose of Ganesh images; you may recall I had the vision of Ganesh dancing above me while the Reiki Queens were here. He now gazes towards me from where I now sit.

I have so many to thank, so many who have shared so much with me. I want to make clear that the "fundraiser" my lovely daughter Carmen and lovely friend Elena have planned for June 9th is also a chance to say thank you to all of you who have already been so generous. There will be poetry and reggae music, food and beverages (I'm told), and a good time will be had by all! It will be a meeting of the tribes. We hope you can make it.

Jai sri Ganesha, everyone, and to all a good night.

Tina the Angel
















One of the most amazing parts of this journey I have been cast upon is the appearances of "angelic" presences that have come into my life. From the nurses at Scripps Memorial to the Reiki Queens I spoke of earlier, from dear old friends calling at a dark hour to sweet neighbors bringing delicious food, all kinds of healing energy has been coming my way. Allow me to introduce Tina Chien, practitioner of the healing arts. Twice a week Tina come to see me and I submit to her subtle but very powerful healing touch, which puts me in a very deep, still place that I am sure has helped by healing. We seem to have a meditative journey together during these sessions. I have such gratitude for her assistance with my recovery.

In other news, due to circumstances beyond my control my chemo has been delayed once again. I'll spare you the details of this. I would seem that I will be getting my treatments right here in Encinitas, which is probably for the better what with traffic and gas prices. I met with an herbalist today who will be supporting my treatment with an individualized herbal formula. In the meantime, I have still been gaining in strength and weight, both good things. I guess I'm trying to bank some calories in advance of chemo, or at least that give me an excuse to eat a lot. I don't know exactly what I weigh right now, but I am probably still down about 20 lbs. I mention this because of my duties as a Wedding Officiant. The last two weekends I have put on my formal clothes for ceremonies, and I was swimming in them. ("Really, they used to fit! I didn't just buy these at the Goodwill!") And to think, just a few months ago I was worried about outgrowing said clothes.
Now I am worried about keeping my pants up.
Nevertheless, it felt very good to be doing what I do once again, helping these wonderful young couples with their ceremonies.
And being healthy enough to once again navigate the world at large.
That feels good too.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Poetry Readings by Bruce and Jim Babwe

Hello Friends of Bruce,

It is my pleasure to announce that we are now offering a great gift for all donations greater than $50!  David Morgan has graciously supplied us with digitally mastered MP3 recordings of Poetry readings by Bruce and Jim Babwe.  The MP3 files will be made available to you once a donation has been received.  Please allow a small amount of time to pass before you receive your e-mail with file access as I will be sending these out manually via e-mail. All donors who gave prior to today will be granted access to these files as well.

Thank you all for your selfless giving, it is truly wonderful that we can all find a way to give back to a person who has given us so much.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Bruce Stephens Fundraiser!

Hello Friends and Family!

As many of you know my Father, Bruce Stephens was recently diagnosed with Stage 3 Pancreatic Cancer. Although he was able to successfully undergo surgery to remove the tumor on his Pancreas, he still has a long road ahead of him which includes months of chemotherapy and possibly some radiation. To show our love and support for Swami Bruce and to help my parents with some of the costs one incurs while dealing with a debilitating disease, we are planning a fundraiser. I wanted to send out this message so all of you can keep the date of June 9th available to celebrate my dad's continued recovery. We are planning on having the fundraiser at the Pannikin in Leucadia from 7pm - 9:30ish. There will be food, raffle, beer, wine, music, poetry, art and more! All proceeds will benefit the Bruce Stephens' Fundraiser.

If you or anyone you know would like to help us with the fundraiser let us know. Currently these are the items we need...

-Help at the fundraiser (selling tickets, helping with food, setting up, breaking down)
-Donations of items to raffle off (gift certificates, etc.)
-Banquet Tables to set food and drink on
-Wine
-Taps for kegs (we'll have Stone Beer yum!)
- $$ donations to use to purchase or rent items for the event (tables, tablecloths, plates, cups, etc.)

You can email or call me or Elena Burgeno-Berman if you or anyone you know would like to help.

carmen.a.stephens@gmail.com
(760) 815-2708

bermansbythesea@cox.net
(760) 943-7981

If you can't attend the fundraiser and you or anyone you know would like donate or stay up to date with Bruce's recovery can do so here.

Thank you so much. With your help and community support we can get my Father through this!

Much Love,

Carmen Stephens

Sunday, May 8, 2011

That was the Week that was...

Happy Mother’s Day everyone. Mothers are something we all have. Amy is getting the chance to celebrate with her mother, daughter and sister (plus friends and spouses). We had planned a picnic, but the weather didn’t cooperate, so we moved the soiree to our house. It was a lovely gathering.

As I look back upon this week, It is a strange mixture of positives and frustrations. (But isn’t every week?) After being assured that our insurance kicked in on the first of May, I made appointments at Scripps Clinic here in Encinitas to move down the road with my treatment. But alas, I didn’t have the Insurance card yet, and I wasn’t posted on the website. Smooth talking fellow that I am, I weaseled my way through my appointments, and had a good interaction with my new primary care physician, but soon the billing ladies at Scripps we calling. When I contacted Healthnet, I was told, alternately, that it would be 24 hours, 5 days, that our account manager was on jury duty, and that it might be as long as 2 weeks. Not good. Finally by Friday, we were finally posted on the website. But lots of stress and anxious phone calls in the interim. Now it’s time to get busy with the oncologist.

The other big news of the week was a return to Wednesday evening Yoga class. It was sooo good to see our little yoga tribe again! I am trying very hard not to exceed my body’s safe parameters, since major surgery was only 6 weeks ago. I could reasonably do about half of my usual practice, but fortunately, breath and meditation are not affected negatively. I would like to offer thanks to two wonderful women who kept watch over the yoga space in my absence. Barbara Rosario Borrass stepped in and led the class and kept everyone on the straight and narrow. Thank you so much Barbara, we all thank you for your constant help and support. And to Ms. Elena Burgeno Berman, keeper of the records, reporter/stenographer, and just part of the glue that holds our tribe together, I/we are very grateful for your attention to detail and constant sweetening of the scene. In fact my return to class coincided with Elena’s birthday! And I would be remiss if I didn’t thank Michael Brown, who put up this blog for me to stay in touch with you. I am so glad to be back practicing, at any level. If things go well, perhaps we can start up the Saturday morning class soon.

I think about how much better I am doing from just a month ago. I was losing weight and weak and feeble. But once Amy and I got the digestive situation sorted out a bit, I started gaining strength and putting on weight. I have felt so much better, trying to stay active every day, and rejoining the outside world. And having an easier time keeping my pants up. Don’t laugh, it’s a real problem since my already minimal glutes shrunk even more in the hospital. OK, you can laugh a little bit. It is kinda funny. I officiated a wedding in Balboa Park on Saturday morning, my first since becoming ill. It went well, but I was swimming in my dress clothes, because I am still, after all, down at least 20 lbs. Suspenders? They may be in my future. Three more weddings this month!

One of the interesting things about the Whipple procedure, mentioned in the literature and also mentioned on the accounts on medical bulletin board sites is the strange tendency of post-Whipple patients to cry easily. I have certainly felt this, a sudden upwelling of emotions that bring tears to my eyes. This seems to be slowly subsiding as I get further out from surgery, but this week there were at least two occasions when I found myself crying. Let me say that these tears are not always tears of sadness, but sometimes the beauty of a moment or a simple story of human frailty will set me off. This week both Amy and I needed pep talks from each other, albeit on different days. It is hard to stay positive all the time. It was that kind of week.

On Friday, Amy found some free passes to San Diego Botanical Gardens here in Encinitas; what we still call Quail Gardens. It was a sunny, breezy and cools spring day and it was just so lovely strolling through the grounds with Amy. Simple pleasures. After coming home I rested to a guided meditation and ended up sleeping for two hours! Shortly after I awoke, we found out our insurance was now fully in effect. What a relief. I’ll call the ladies at Scripps first thing Monday morning.

Chemo will likely be starting this week or very soon. The hardest part is not knowing how I will react. Since I seem to be getting better every day, the idea of dripping poison into my bloodstream seems illogical on some somatic level. It seems my body and my reasoning mind are telling me different things. We’ll have to agree to disagree for the time being.

Thanks again to everyone who has sent their love, kindness, skills and support my way. Sometimes an illness like this takes things down to their simplest level: We must be kind to each other, to love each other. And our mothers. Including Mother Earth.

Peace to you and all mothers everywhere,

Swami bruce

Sunday, May 1, 2011

More scenes

Welcome to Rancho Pollo Gordo....



Beauty and the Beets.






We got the beets!
We decided to harvest some beets to roast
for tonights salad. As you can see, that
chicken-enhanced compost it
working out quite well.





Backyard kiss.





Happy urban homesteaders.



Scenes from Rancho Pollo Gordo



Giant chicken invades Encinitas!!










Five different breeds, five different eggs! All healthy and delicious.

5-gal buckets used as nesting boxes make it easy to harvest eggs.


Amy's happy and healthy hens chillin' on a spring afternoon.








Add Image

Moxa, moxa man, you got to be a Moxa man...

Dear Friends - as you know, I have spent much time over the years working with health practitioners of all types both western and alternative. It has been my great good fortune to count as friends acupuncturists, or more accurately, practitioners of Traditional Chinese Medicine. My friend and fellow Laker fan Steven Levitt is in fact a Doctor of Oriental Medicine, and a teacher and mentor of the students at Pacific College of Oriental Medicine in San Diego. Steve's treatments have been a great help in my recovery, and his housecalls to my home have truly been a godsend. The good doctor Steven advised me in a particular moxa protocol for my health. If you are unfamiliar with "moxa", it the the burning of a compressed stick of the herb mugwort, kinda like a cigar, that is moved or held near the skin over the appropriate points on your body. I was told to moxa points just below my navel, first thing in the morning. But Steve was out of moxa at that point. That's when Tina and Alan stepped up. Tina is an angel who practices a form of healing touch and has been giving me treatments, out of the kindness of her heart, twice a week for about 3 weeks now. These sessions with Tina put me into a deeply relaxed, almost trance-like state, which seems to speed and deepen my healing. Or so it seems. Tina's husband is Alan Takao Toyofuku, Alan for short, and, you guessed it, an acupuncturist! We met for the first time when they drove across town to deliver a couple of moxa sticks to me, just to be sure I had what I needed. What lovely, caring people. Generous and kind.
Anyway, the first morning I tried the moxa treatment as outlined by Dr. Levitt, it was almost like magic! My whole digestive system seemed to contract and wake up! My entire viscera felt warm and energized and I felt good! I have done this nearly every morning since with the same results. I'm feeling better each day, thanks in part to wise and kind acupuncturists. I am the Moxa Man!


Dr Steven Levitt 760 809-8885
Doctor of Oriental Medicine

Alan Takao Toyofuku 760 525-0889
Licensed Acupuncturist