Thursday, November 24, 2011

Feast of the Harvest

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Celebrations of the harvest have been occurring since humankind embraced agriculture, and it is one of my favorite times of year. I am of course thankful that I am alive! This was not a given a few months ago, and every milestone of the year seems a little more poignant and profound. I am of course so deeply grateful for my dear wife Amy, the love of my life and my best friend who has gently and lovingly nursed me back from very dire straits twice this year. And from this flows thanks to my family and friends who have been so very generous and supportive through the ordeal of my illness. It is humbling to rely on the kindness and assistance of your family and community, and I am so very grateful to them and thankful just to be here to enjoy the simplest of pleasures. To everyone reading this, I hope you had a wonderful, restful, and soul restoring day with family and friends.


Cornucopia


Cornucopia is the most common symbol of a harvest festival. A Horn shaped container, it is filled with abundance of the Earth's harvest. It is also known as the 'horn of plenty'. The traditional cornucopia was a curved goat's horn filled to brim with fruits and grains. According to Greek legend, Amalthea (a goat) broke one
of her horns and offered it to Greek God Zeus as a sign of reverence. As a sign of gratitude, Zeus later set the goat's image in the sky also known as constellation Capricorn



Monday, October 31, 2011

Adaptation




Well, it’s been an interesting few weeks here at Rancho Pollo Gordo. The autumn is here, one of my favorite times of year. With a good result from my last blood test, I have been trying to move forward with the backlog of maintenance and projects that were put on hold. I soon realized that it would take more than just a weekend to catch up, and I could exhaust myself in the process. Rome wasn’t rebuilt in a day, I suppose.
Around mid August, I had the onset of an unusual set of symptoms: very dry mouth, lack of taste and sudden bouts of extreme fatigue. Now, these are all common chemo symptoms, but at that point I had been off of chemotherapy for about 6-7 weeks. It was unnerving, to say the least. And anyone that knows Amy and me know that we are real foodies, and that Amy is one of the best cooks in the region, if not the entire planet. Growing, shopping for and preparing food is one of our great pleasures, so the loss of my taste was quite a serious blow to my/our quality of life. It was hard not to get depressed, and it took all my yogic skills to keep from doing so. The good news is to report that the symptoms have mostly subsided and the output of Amy’s kitchen (and several local restaurants) is once again being enjoyed. Hallelujah.
We have been very fortunate to have received a new water heater! Now this may not sound like big news to most, but our old one was so out of date that it didn’t make enough hot water for a bath. Allow me to explain why this is important. One common way to assist in the detox from chemo is Epsom salt baths. Kinda hard to do without sufficient hot water. So through the benevolence of a benefactor and the skill of Adam Almendariz, plumber supreme, Swami bruce has been taking the cure with regular hot Epsom salt baths, which seem to be helping, and do induce a great night’s sleep! I highly recommend this therapy. And on a side note, Epsom salt, or magnesium sulfate, is also a nutrient for the garden. Of course, I was loathe to put anything with the word “salt” on my plants, but the package said “for bath and garden”. So a quick bit of research on the internets and yes, magnesium sulfate is considered an organic soil amendment that apparently assists plants with iron uptake. So I tried spreading a little of my precious Epsom salts around my yard, and really, within a very few days the plants that got it were noticeably greener! Whooda thunk it? You live and learn, and magnesium is now part of the Swami’s therapy, both inside and outside the house.
Things have been fun in the poetry world. There was the adorable little Friends of the Cardiff Library Slam earlier this month, in the newly remodeled community room. I even won 30 dollars for second place! The venerable Trish “the Dish” Dugger, all 80 years young and Poet Laureate of Encinitas bested me once again on her home turf. (All I gotta say is Trish, you’re going down next year!!) See some pics here:
https://picasaweb.google.com/108531385161222822931/CardiffByTheSeaInvitationalPoetrySlamOct52011?feat=email
And the excellent Mr. Michael Schmitt has put together a great poetry gig at the Belly Up Tavern in Solana Beach. Us poets open a comedy night, and so about ten of us split up an hour of time on stage. It’s called Poetry Voltron, and if you know your cartoons, you will know that Voltron is a giant flying robot made up of all different manned vehicles. So Michael, in his infinite wisdom, invites a poet or two from all the different poetry scenes here in San Diego County. The result is of course is an hour of great spoken word. It’s a really fun event, not competitive like a slam and it’s great to hang out in the green room and get to know some poets I have only heard from the stage. I’ve seen so much great music at the Belly Up over the years, and to be on that stage was kinda cool, helped by an excellent sound system. We’ve done this twice, and the crowd seemed bigger the second time; let’s hope the word about spoken word is getting out!



We had quite a run with persistent red tide hereabouts. Not much fun for water sports, but makes for an amazing display of bioluminescence at night. If after sundown you could make you way to the beach or bluff you were rewarded with glowing blue waves, a truly magical experience. Our digital wizard Jim Babwe has some great shots:


I have been attending my Tuesday evening Master Composter class at Solana Recyclers. Met a lot of nice like-minded souls. We divided up into groups and built piles and ours was the quickest to heat up and then cool off, so of course we decided we were in fact “the coolest” and that’s why our pile rocked! I will be a certified “Master Composter” after completing this class. You may just refer to me as “the Master”, although “Rajah of Rot” or “Dictator of Decomposition” will also do. I have maintained a compost pile for over 30 years, with the same strain of red worms. Happy worms make for a productive garden. The “intestines of the earth” according to Darwin.
My sweet old Mom fell recently and broke her leg and some ribs. With her age, health problems and Alzheimer symptoms, we feared for the surgery. But she is one tough Mexicana, and 3 weeks later she is up and walking with a walker and soon to return home from the convalescent facility. Takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’. Her caregivers, 3 central American women, take such good care of her, and the hard work and attention of my sister Sarah has been crucial to her recovery. Go Mom!
I also had a chance to take part in some #Occupy events. I marched at the inaugural Occupy San Diego event and have been part of the Occupy North County group (I was the guy blowing the conch shell!) The amazing thing about the occupy events I have attended is the wide variety of people in attendance. Youth, age and all colors are represented, plus military in uniform. It was a great feeling to be part of a movement that is so transcendent of traditional political lines, and may be the start of a third party. Truly inspirational, to meet up with fellow citizens and chant “This is what democracy looks like!!!” As usual, I was inspired to commit poetry, and I give you these words:


The vulgar news so loudly shouts
While fundamentalist feed on human doubts

Brilliant minds design new ways to slaughter
To more efficiently kill someone’s son or daughter

Violence only leads to more of the same
Leaves us grieving, broken, blind and lame

Modern war, by anyone’s measure
Wastes our blood and destroys our treasure

And while congress dithers
Banks grow bigger

With greedy hands that skim the cream
And steal the worker’s honest dream

Paid off pundits sound so snarky
While they defend the oligarchy

When ideologues are so readily heeded
A reasoned approach is desperately needed

So I call to all men and women of reason
This is our time, this is our season!
For on this spot and at this hour
We exert our people power!

Then arm in arm and side by side
The people’s vision grows worldwide


We’ll find a path towards what’s better
If we decide to work together

The solution is really quite simple
A government of and by and for the people

People power brings us self respect
From the Ginza to Chapultepec

We’ll shake off the yoke of greedy old men
From Tahrir Square to Tianamen

If we harness the power of the wind and sun
We can make this world work for everyone

My Brothers and Sisters, it’s a brand new day
From Ankor Wat to the Champ d’Elysee

Our resolve is hardened, but our hearts stay soft
From mountain cabins to urban lofts

So hear me men and women of reason
This is our time, this is our season!
And on this day and at this hour
We realize our people power

Won’t you join and work with us
From the Golden Gate to the Bosporus

Peace and justice, that is our intent
For we are THE 99% !!!

In other news, I seem to have stumbled into teaching another yoga class per week, an intro class with a great group of folks, mostly couples. Back in March and April, when I was so sick and recovering from surgery, I wasn’t sure I would ever be in this position again. I remember driving home on the freeway after a week in my hospital bed and it seemed like a racecar track, everyone moving at breakneck speed. I wasn’t sure if I was going home to live or to die. And now, half a year or so later, I am back surfing, working in the garden, riding my bike and teaching yoga. And my latest obsession – lifting weights! I still owned a couple of sets of dumbbells from back in the day, and with some stretch bands I have undertaken a resistance training practice that sure feels good and is helping me recover some of the muscle tone I lost during my convalescence. I have found that bringing a yoga awareness to it (using breath, gaze, and inward focus) makes each session a rather meditative experience. And I must pass on an interesting observation: with my low sugar/low animal diet, I sure don’t seem to get as sore as I used to when I lifted previously. Less inflammation, I guess.

I would also like everyone to know that I am again seeing clients for bodywork therapy. It feels good to be again working in the healing arts; to be once again the “healer” rather than the “healee”, so to speak. All the while, my acupuncturist Alan Toyofuku has been taking such excellent care of me. I encourage everyone to take similar good care of yourself. You are worth it. Alan has been a big part of why I am experiencing the health that I am. The herbal formula he provided has nourished me and helped my body recover from the damage and imbalances of surgery and chemo.

For all the travails I have had this year; I have learned a lot. I have learned that your world gets very small and focused when you are seriously ill. That western and non-western medicine can coexist quite well. That life is too short and precious to trifle with those who create unnecessary drama and disharmony. That healers are the part of the nearly invisible web that hold society and humankind together. That a kiss from your daughter, a call from your son, a sunset with your wife is the icing on the cake of life. (if I still ate icing…) That we as humans can adapt to almost anything; and that our resilience is amazing.
That kindness is the best that humans have to offer.

Wishing you peace,
Swami bruce

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Steve Jobs, may he rest in peace.


When a great thinker and innovator passes, we all feel it. The brainpower and insight such men and women bring to the table seems like a source of capital or enrichment that we all share in. So it is natural to feel such a loss with the death of Steve Jobs. I have to say, I was cheering for Mr. Jobs because of some parallels in our lives. We were born in the same year and both have fought with pancreatic cancer. Seeing him become leaner while I watched the same thing happen in my body created a vague sort of solidarity. So with his passing, it is with a strange mixture of admiration and sadness and even dread that I feel. I want to read all about his life, and at the same time, I want no more information and desire to be willfully ignorant. Very interestingly, Amy and I were looking at iphones yesterday, since we have an opportunity to upgrade our phones. Mr. Jobs, you were one of a kind, and will be missed.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Another Day, Another Blood Test

After an anxiety filled few days, the appointment with my oncologist Dr. James Mason finally arrived. It seems my cancer marker test, called a CA 19-9,was a very excellent 9, with normal being 0-37, and had actually dropped a bit from last time. This is very good. There is no abnormal lymphatic presentation upon palpation, and everything seems to be working pretty well. My blood pressure has dropped to nearly perfect (123/78), probably due to the weight I have lost (5 lbs since my last check with this doctor, down about 25-30lbs from pre-illness) I highly recommend the low sugar/low animal protein diet. The doctor assured me that the issues I have experienced with lack of taste and dry mouth are likely chemo related, not that common but certainly not unheard of 2 months after cessation of chemo. He also assured me that these symptoms will pass in a few months, but how he can be sure I do not know; I just hope he is right. There is another CT scan in my future, but because of my reluctance to expose myself to more radiation he has agreed to put it off for now. (note: the abdominal CT, the kind I get, is the one with the highest dosage of radiation) If my blood marker had shown any unusual rise, or if lymph nodes were swollen, I certainly would have the scan, but I don’t see any reason to irradiate myself unnecessarily.

Anyway, I saw my surgeon,the inimitable Sunil Bhoyrul last Thursday. He was gracious but overworked as usual. While at his office I had my weight and bodyfat taken, and I must mention that my bodyfat was an astounding 8.6%! I don't know if I have ever been that low! I am a lean machine these days, and it feels good, especially now that I have purchased some pants that fit properly. (an expense I did not expect!) I attribute this primarily to the dietary changes. Amy is trying to fatten me up, but apparently to no avail.
I officiated a lovely wedding at the beautiful old La Valencia hotel in La Jolla last Sunday. While I was there I had a conversation with a professor from the Netherlands who had recently relocated here to work on cancer treatments for Pfizer. He said it is the surgeons that do the most to cure cancer. I believe I agree with him.
I am trying to get some exercise every day, to get my stamina and strength back. Some days I feel pretty good, others not so much. The twinges and spasms I feel around the incision are normal, I am told. So basically, I am hopeful that if I keep up my regimen, I may be able to hold this illness at bay. One is not considered “cured” until you are 5 years cancer free. That seems like a long time. I still have some digestive issues, but compared to most people that have had a Whipple procedure, I am doing utterly fantastic, or so I am told.
Well, that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Wishing you peace and health,
Swami bruce

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Happy Ganesh Chaturthi, Everyone!!!

Greetings all. Just a quick note to wish everyone a happy Labor Day Weekend and to wish all scholars, students and collegians best of luck in their school year. I also would like to wish everyone a happy "Ganesh Chaturthi" the celebration of Ganesh that this year extends from September 1st and concludes on September 11th.
This 10-day festival marks the birthday of Ganesh, who is widely worshipped for auspicious beginnings. Ganesh is also the patron of arts and sciences, and the deity of intellect and wisdom. Come to think of it, it seems the appropriate time to invoke this deity, at the beginning of the school year!

As most of you know, Ganesh has seemingly been my guide on this journey through cancer, and I feel a very close connection to this aspect of the divine. I encourage you to take a moment to read about and ponder the wisdom Ganesh represents:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/31/ganesh-chaturthi-2011_n_943647.html#s345767&title=A_Vendor_Sells

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ganesh_Chaturthi

Swami bruce wishes everyone "Auspicious beginnings!!!"

(Note: The conclusion of the festival is on the full moon of September 11th, which coincides with the La Paloma Poetry Slam, Emceed by yours truly. Ganesh is considered the patron of poets and writers. Coincidence? You decide.)

Monday, August 29, 2011

Sitting Here in Limbo

Greetings everyone. Happy late August to you . I celebrated a birthday this month, and it seemed wonderful and strange at the same time. Wonderful, in that some months ago I wasn’t sure I would see this birthday. We had known an acquaintance who, after a diagnosis of the same disease, lasted only about 11 weeks. So just getting here seems like a huge blessing. But I am finally healthy enough to begin the process of “re-entering the world”. However, August is a strange time to do this, as it seems most of the world is on vacation or otherwise indisposed. There are lots of people in town, tourists and family. I feel unsure of my direction and even of my stamina. My son Myles left last week to return to San Francisco, a job and another school year. When he is in town, we are in enjoyment mode, with much surfing and eating. He is a joy to have around, as are his friends, whom I would describe as interesting, polite and creative.
I share my birthday week with Amy, her birthday being the day after mine. We had a nice week with some beach time, a friend’s annual summer party, a fine meal with Myles and Carmen at an great new restaurant in town, and a lovely evening at our foodie friends Erik and Cat’s, for salt roasted red snapper and other delights. (We only half-jokingly call their house “the best restaurant in Encinitas”)

So even with all these festivities, or perhaps because of them, there is a sense of limbo. I seem to be biding my time until the other shoe drops, sometime after Labor Day. Reality, both fiscal and health-wise, is sure to set in. Perhaps sooner than later, in that some strange chemo-like symptom reared their ugly head again last week, enough to make me return to the medical building for a blood test, the result of which I will get later today. (I had hoped to stay away from said building until my next oncology appointment in late September) I hope it is just my body still detoxing from the chemo drugs. I guess in regards to healing, it is two steps forward and one step back. All the while, I am trying to catch up with delayed home maintenance and reconstitute my professional life, no easy task in today’s climate. Wish me luck.

In other news, I received a generous tip from a couple whose wedding I officiated in Seagrove Park in Del Mar. I decided, since it was close to my birthday, that I would give myself a small gift, and the good people at Moonlight Music here in Encinitas hooked me up with a Ukulele, case and chord book for just a little over my tip amount. (Thanks!) I have wanted one for a long time. There are many helpful Uke sites on the internet, but I may avail upon my string-adept friends for a lesson or two.
Also, Sunday, September 11 is the Full Moon Poets La Paloma Summer Poetry Slam. 7pm, free admission! Yours truly is once again the Emcee. Come out and support the Arts. Be there or be square!

Wishing you and yours peace and health,
Swami bruce

I would very much like to thank all the people who have been so supportive and helpful to me and my family, including:

Almendariz Plumbing – 760 419-4211 Excellence in plumbing.

Ryon Lee Media - http://www.ryonleemedia.com/ 760 889-3555 Wizards of the digital realm

Alan Toyofuku, Lac – 760 525-0889 Acupuncture with Alan has been very integral to my recovery and ongoing health. I always feel better after one of Alan’s treatments.

Silver Ace Consulting -http://silverace.net/index.html 760.436.7050 They can fix your computer network, email and backup issues. Very helpful.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Cowabunga, Dude!


Hello all. It is with great joy that I tell you that Swami bruce has once again deserved the surfer's name. As of last Friday, my schedule and the waves cooperated and I once again paddled out into the surf zone. I caught my first bona fide wave in over 7 months. I can't really tell you how good it felt, I can only say that I could feel the muscles of my face straining with my big smile. Many cycles seem to be completing lately. Harvests from the summer garden. Wedding season is in full swing; in fact I have officiated 4 in the last 3 weeks. And I have made good on a promise made in the most dire of circumstances. This morning, with the very capable help of my son Myles, I gave a surfing lesson to my surgeon, Dr. Sunil Bhoyrul. We had made this pact in the hospital, back in March, post-surgery. At the time, I could hardly imagine being strong enough again to do something as physical as surfing. But he assured me that I would surf again, and I promised him a surfing lesson if I did, and he took me up on it. I must admit, the thought passed through my mind that it was just the encouraging words of a doctor trying to rally his patient after a big surgery. But I decided to call his bluff! I will say that our dear friend Sunil is a true gamer, and took a full 2 hours of pummeling in the surf. While he didn't quite get to his feet this day, his interest was piqued, and he was already inquiring about wetsuits. Uh-oh, I hope Mrs. Bhoyrul doesn't become a "surf widow"!!
I am happy. My health is improving. Surfing is back in my life. Happy couples are still tying the knot. The ocean breezes still blow. My garden grows.
Swami bruce wishes you all peace.





Sunil and Gautam Bhoyrul enjoy a post surf breakfast.



Friday, July 22, 2011

Good News, all by Itself...

Greetings everyone...

Time marches on in this roller coaster of a year. As if my father's memorial wasn't enough, Monday brought an important appointment with the oncologist. Just walking into the medical building brought back such associations that both Amy and I were on edge, and Amy teared up while we were waiting. But Dr. Mason entered, test results in hand, and smiled at us. The news is good, he reported. The latest cancer marker blood test came back normal and unchanged. The last CT scan was clear. I don't tolerate Gemzar (in fact it nearly killed me) and there is no other drug to use in its place. So I am officially out of "treatment mode" and into "monitoring mode"!!!
Two months, he said, until another blood marker test. Two months without the specter of chemo hanging over my head. Two months without poking and prodding and procedures. Two months, a veritable eternity!
We were in tears as we exited the building, so happy. I instinctively reached for my phone to call my Dad, wanted to hear the happiness in his voice. Of course, this wasn't going to happen, and I found myself simultaneously crying tears of joy and grief. It was a pretty full plate of emotions.
Suddenly, I felt somewhat more reconnected to the world. I could look farther into the future once again. As the effects of chemo continue to wear off, I feel a little better each day. My hair has just about stopped falling out (fortunately, I had a lot to start with), and my appetite has come roaring back. (Although with my new low sugar diet, I have lost 5 lbs...I highly recommend it!)
I know I am not out of the woods yet. I am continuing my botanical and nutritional protocols, especially the Asian mushroom powder blend. It is no fun to take, like drinking muddy water, but I am motivated to keep my immune system in high gear. I feel like I have wrestled this disease to the mat, and to at least a draw, maybe the referee will slap the mat and then raise my arm in victory. For the next two months, at least I can dream.

Thanks to everyone for your generous considerations and your kind thoughts, words and prayers.

Peace,
Swami bruce

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Eulogy for my Father



Greetings -
Yesterday I delivered the Eulogy at my father's memorial service. I thought I would share it with you along with some pictures from his life.













Hello everyone, and thanks for coming. My name is Bruce Myles Stephens. My father, Robert Bruce Stephens, was born May 9th, 1928 in Boston, Massachusetts to Vera Bertha Millett Stephens and Myles Joseph Stephens. Raised mostly in Maine, some of his first jobs were working at a truck farm, picking beets and other crops.

He enlisted in the US Navy near the end of WWII and served on the submarine Thresher.










It was while his ship was docked in San Francisco Bay that he went to a USO dance and met Rebecca Monroy, our mother, who was serving in the WACS, women’s Army Corps. She was stationed at the Presidio, and when my father went there to pick her up for a date, he endured the good natured cat calls of Rebecca’s Army colleagues
(“Hey sailor, you lost?” “The ocean’s that way, swabbie.” Etc.)




They were both discharged from the service and married in Lewiston, Maine, November 10th, 1949. They flew to Los Angeles to make a life together. When they got off the plane, they had just a few dollars in their pocket, no job or place to stay, and lived for a brief time with my grandmother, Erlinda Monroy, until such things could be worked out.







My sister Shelley was born in 1950, my sister Stephanie in 1953, I came along in ’55 . 1960 saw the birth of my sister Sarah, followed by our youngest sister Suzanne in 1961. (Yeah, 5 kids! Hey, he did marry a Latina, after all.)













During the 50’s, he held various jobs, working in construction and for a time for Gladding McBean, a company that made ceramic products, dishes, cups, etc. He told me the story of having to climb into a still warm kiln to clean out the damaged pottery. He also owned a gas station for a while and the house next door where we lived.






It was where I skinned my knee one day when his friend Rey, a photographer by trade, was visiting, snapping a photo that, while not particularly flattering to me, I treasure more than gold.













In 1960, at the age of 32, he entered the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Academy to begin a 30+ year career.





He rose through the ranks: Sergeant, Lieutenant, Captain, Commander, and finally Area Commander, considered the 3rd highest rank in the Sheriff’s Department. During this time, and while raising 5 kids, he went back to school getting his bachelor’s in Criminal Justice at Cal State LA and a Masters in Public Administration at USC.

He went on to teach Criminology and The Administration of Justice at East LA City College. In his later years on the Sheriff’s department, his specialty was communications, and part of his job was to travel to Washington, D.C. to lobby Congress on behalf of the Public Safety community; basically asking for more radio bandwidth for police and fire departments. These lobbying efforts were largely successful and resulted in the implementation of the 911 emergency system.

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He was head of the Inter-Agency Communications task force for the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles, coordinating communications between more than two dozen agencies. He was very proud of this. His efforts helped to keep the athletes and public safe, and the Olympics came off smoothly. He retired from the Sheriff’s Department in 1988, continuing on for a few years as a consultant to the County because of his expertise in Communications.





In his retirement, my Father reveled in the mutual love of his grandchildren. He always had the time, always had kind words, always some wisdom to share with his kids and grandkids.




He also spent time maintaining his rental properties, always keeping the rents low and the houses in good repair, and treating his renters fairly and kindly. A dream landlord, basically.



I’ve gotta say, growing up with Bob Stephens as your dad was quite an experience. In his prime, he was 6’4”, 220 lbs, strong and fit, great posture, good looking with piercing green eyes and pretty damn smart. We idolized him; even feared him a bit. He was superman; he could lift anything, fix anything, explain anything and you just felt safe around him. He was larger than life. He was the kind of dad that other dads sought out for advice. We are still learning of his exploits and the effect he had on those around him.









My father was many things to many people, and it seemed that each of them had their own name for him! Growing up, his family called him Bruce, so to that side of the family he was Uncle Bruce, or Big Bruce and I was Little Brucie (ouch!) In the Navy and for about a decade after, he was known as Steve. This is when he met my mom, and what she continued to call him. So to that side of the family, and to friends from that era, he is Steve, or Uncle Steve. Then his colleagues in the Sheriffs and assorted friends and neighbors knew him as Bob. And let’s not forget his brother-in-law Carroll Boutte, from Louisiana, used to call him “Robaire”, in effect giving him a Cajun name.

Now, all this was in play the first time my future wife Amy came with me to South Pasadena for a family gathering. About half way home, Amy turned to me with a distressed look on her face and said, “So just what am I supposed to call your Dad, anyway?” To me, it just seemed normal that your dad might have 3 or 4 names.








There is so much wisdom my father imparted to me; I don’t really know where to start. So many times in my life I have asked myself “What would my Dad do in this situation?”, and this is something I suppose I will continue to do. He was spectacularly unpretentious, and would never prejudge someone by their race, appearance or station in life. He talked to everyone. I remember, as a young man, working with him in the front yard of one of his properties. Some local tough guys I knew of from around town came walking by. I stiffened up, knowing that these guys were not to be trifled with. But my Dad engaged them, greeted them and had a short affable exchange that left everyone smiling and chuckling. I saw him do this again and again, in many different situations. Perhaps it was just his nature, or perhaps he knew that the real path to security lies not behind walls and locks, but by engaging your neighbor and staying in touch with the larger community. A lesson we all should heed.













He was a lifelong fitness buff. He bought my first set of weights for me when I was about 12 or 13, and gave me my first real fitness lesson out in the garage with the Sears and Roebuck weights. I still have the dumbbells to this set, believe it or not. Some years later, I was visiting and it was his habit to do a few laps around the elementary school playground across the street. So I joined him and there he was jogging in huaraches! The kind you buy in Tijuana! I said, “Really Dad? Huaraches?” He said, “Yeah, I flop around a bit, but it’s all right.” I’m tellin’ you, the cat was old school! He was still attending, with great pleasure, a senior fitness workout with a personal trainer at a gym in Pasadena up until about a year or so ago. I just wish I’d spent more time working out with him.
We are still finding out just what a warrior my Dad was. When we lived on Rosemont Avenue, near downtown LA, there was an apartment a couple of doors away that housed an immigrant community, and one night there was a ruckus. Of course, big Steve/Bruce/Bob ran out to see what the trouble was. A couple of Filipino men were fighting over a platinum blond. My dad, all 6’4” of him, was able to hold these two men apart by putting one big paw on each of their foreheads. It was almost comical, watching these two much smaller men still try to take swipes at each other under my dad’s arms. He held them that way until the police arrived.
Then there was the time he was driving home in his unmarked Sheriff’s car, and pulled over a crazy driver on the Pasadena Freeway. Turns out the guy was high on PCP, and somehow my Dad subdued him on the shoulder of that old, narrow freeway, until some uniformed officers showed up, when it took two of them to control him. Like I said, the man was a stud. And fearless. Like the time he worked the Watt’s Riots. They had the department on 12 hour shifts, and of course, my Dad had the night shift, when things got heavy. We were so fearful every night as he left for work, we prayed for his safe return. But after it was all over, he even had funny stories to tell about his adventures in one of the worst social insurrections of our time. And such experiences never clouded his judgment about people.







It was about 20-25 years ago I realized that my father had turned into a big loving teddy bear. Like a fine wine, the years had mellowed him and sweetened him and all he wanted was to be a grandfather, and he was one of the best. He kept close tabs on the lives and activities of his grandkids.




I remember coming up for Thanksgiving when Carmen was about 8 and Myles about 4 or 5. Myles had a pair of cowboy boots he always wanted to wear, and when my Dad saw Myles show up in his boots, he got his pair out. They proceeded to put a new shine on both pairs, then gave each other cowboy names (Dusty and Lefty, or some such thing) and used cowboy lingo for the rest of the day, clomping around in their boots and calling each other "pardner", and exclaiming "whoa, Nellie" and the like. For the whole visit, Myles was never more than an arm’s length away from his grandpa, even when he carved the turkey. They were both enjoying the day so much, it was absolutely the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen. My father gained so much joy from days like this; it was hard not to have it rub off on you. Any future granddads out there, I hope you’re taking notes, ‘cuz this is how it’s done.










So when we look back on the life of this man, I am struck by the way he never stopped learning, never stopped growing, never stopped deepening his expressions of love and compassion. He never sought solace in dogma, or retreated into bitterness, but was always engaged with life, questioning, sharing, helping. Laborer, small business owner, Law Enforcement Officer, college graduate, college professor, father, brother, uncle, cousin, friend, and most importantly, grandfather. So many facets of a life well lived. So much wisdom to share.
And in one final act of fatherly love, he helped me to quickly arrange major surgery in March of this year, in effect helping to save my life. To say that I am deeply indebted to him would be an understatement.
I read a quote recently that immediately reminded me of my father, Robert Bruce Stephens, and seems to sum up his philosophy of life:

“Do all the good you can; By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can; In all the places you can,
At all the times you can: To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.”


That was my father.

So Dad, if you can hear me,
I just want to say that I’m pretty stoked
To be your son.
Having you as a father, friend and mentor has been one of the best things in my life.
With love and gratitude we honor your life today.

The great poet Rumi said:
“Whosoever brought me here is going to have to take me home.”
I believe my father is homeward bound.

Thank you all for coming out to celebrate the life of my father, Robert Bruce Stephens.













Friday, July 8, 2011

Bad news/Good news, part 2



Greetings everyone -
As if this year hadn't ladled enough on my plate, it is my sad duty to report the passing of my dear, sweet father, who lost his battle with pulmonary fibrosis on July 5. He died surrounded by loving family, and will be greatly missed. He was a very kind, wise, generous and loving man. Family was everything to him, and my sisters and I consider ourselves very fortunate to have had him as a father. He was a grandfather second to none. He was a larger than life figure, both in his professional and personal life. I will post more about him later. The picture above is from my childhood, and, although not to flattering to me, I value more than gold.

In other news, my blood tests are moving in the right direction. I am not in normal ranges yet, but things seem to be improving slowly, so we are less concerned. I promise to keep you updated. Amy and I are taking a few days away to ourselves to regroup before the memorial service and a meeting with the oncologist. Thank you all for your kind words and support.
Swami bruce

Sunday, July 3, 2011

When bad news is good news...

Greetings everyone. It has, of course, been far too long since my last post, something I seem to say at the start of most of these posts. This time, I have a pretty good excuse. If you recall, I was in the midst of chemotherapy, a thoroughly unpleasant place to be. The first two weeks were not so bad, with just a few minor bouts of nausea. But by week three, things took a change for the worse. I started experiencing much more intense symptoms, and my blood tests, taken weekly, started to show some serious changes. I was assured by the oncological staff that this was to be expected and that I had nothing to worry about. Weeks 4 and 5 saw things take a decided turn for the worse. I started experiencing every symptom associated with the particular drug I was being given, and they were lasting longer and becoming more intense. I cannot really describe how awful I felt, except to say that I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, if Swami bruce had such a thing. I was almost unable to function in any meaningful way, and it became difficult to do even the most basic tasks. Eating became a major chore, and I had nearly constant nausea, dizziness, muscle aches, weakness and tingling, chills and fever and other strange symptoms that I will spare you the graphic details of. I was at a conundrum: I wasn’t sure that I could go on with the treatments; on the other hand there was an unspoken encouragement to “suck it up” and “just deal with it”, that many people have gone through this and I just need to tough it out. But I had had only had five treatments, and I was scheduled for twenty! I was only 25% of the way though the protocol, and I felt like I was gonna die. I was scheduled to get a week off after 7 treatments, but Amy and I decided to take the break at 6. I so dreaded the Monday of the sixth treatment (last Monday, the 27th) but as they always do, Monday rolled around.

When I show up for chemo on the nurse always greets me with a printout of my blood work. I have asked for this so I can see for myself the directions of the two dozen or so tests of basic blood panels and profiles. Things were getting pretty crazy with my blood, but not having any previous experience in the area, I had no choice but to trust the doc and nurses. But today was different. Felicia, a humble little nurse who commands great respect in the medical building, took me into a private office and sat us down, with the blood test results in her hand. It seems my liver enzymes had gone through the roof, and I had become fairly anemic. She already had a call into the Doctor about it. But she told us quite candidly that I did not qualify for chemo that week based on my blood work. I could tell by her demeanor she was concerned. At this moment I felt the strangest mixture of relief and worry. Relief that I wasn’t going to get chemo that day, and worry about my liver. After waiting for over a hour for the doctor to call back, we walked out and didn’t look back. It seems I was in a small percentage of people who have a very bad reaction to Gemzar, the drug I was being given. It can, in these individuals, lead to fibrotic changes in the liver. We are hoping that I stopped before my liver was permanently damaged, but livers are fairly resilient.

So this strange journey has another twist and turn. The ifs, whats, and hows of future treatment are as of now, in flux. First things first; detox my liver from chemo and rebuild my blood and stamina. Low red blood cells meant I became winded and fatigued very easily. (When you have to lie down panting after putting the trash/recycle bins out, you know something is amiss) This is very frustrating in that after surgery and before chemo, I was feeling great and had built myself up to the point I was considering a paddle out. But chemo sent me back into a weakened state again. Amy nursed me back from surgery, and now she is doing it again, after chemo. I’ll bet she is getting just a little tired of this; I know I am.

Yet amid all this, there are moments of pure grace. A shaft of late afternoon sun lighting up my garden as I water it can bring a moment of pure magic. A kiss on the cheek from my daughter. Finding laughter with a stranger, the sparkle of the ocean on a sunny day. Sharing a quiet meal with Amy outside under the wisteria. How can one man be so blessed? I am unashamed to say I cry much easier now. My friend Tim Bennett, also a cancer survivor, knew of this phenomenon from his journey. His response was, “Yeah, isn’t it great?!” and in a way, it is. He also said, referring to the cancer journey, “When I said I wanted to experience all life has to offer, I sure didn’t mean this!” Truer words….

So thanks for all your concern and kind wishes. I will try to keep you posted as to the future of my treatments, but for the time being, I am simply grateful to be off of chemo. On this Fourth of July weekend, I wish you all a happy and restful time with those you hold dear.

Peace,

Swami bruce

Sunday, June 19, 2011

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY !!!

Hi all,
Happy Fathers Day to all the fathers out there - Especially Big Bad Brucey! On Saturday Bruce, Carmen and I took a little trip up to So.Pasadena to visit his dad who after 4 weeks is still in the hospital! I have a bit of a cold and even though I wanted to go in I thought it was best not to expose him. So I waited in the car while the others went in to see him. After a nice visit we all pilled back into the car for the short car ride to Bruce's sister Sue's house for a celebration to honor our nieces Nicole and Camille's high school graduations and 18th birthdays! It was a long day for us but lots of laughter, pictures and great food made it all worth the drive.
Anyway to get to the point of this post: Carmen told us that many of you have asked what is the total amounts collected at the fund raiser. After some figuring of costs and expenditures we have come up with the astonishing amount of ...$14,000!!!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! This grand and awesome total is helping us keep our heads above water while Bruce goes through the next five months of treatments. We could not have done it without you all, the village that has been created around us is amazingly caring and generous. This not only includes the monetary donations but also the many, many other kind ways we have been supported.
Keep loving and supporting each other; its what keeps the world going around and makes it all worth while.
Love to you all,
Amy

Saturday, June 11, 2011


The Pannikin in Leucadia was a lovely venue

Well, the day of the fundraiser finally arrived! With much excitement and maybe a little trepidation, Amy and I arrived at the Pannikin in Leucadia for the event organized by my daughter Carmen and my friend and yoga student Elena. It was an amazing experience to see so many people from all parts of my life coming together in one place. I had began calling this event "The Gathering of the Tribes". You see, I consider myself part of many different tribes: the surfing tribe, the yoga tribe, the poet's tribe, (and by extension, artists and musicians), the small business owner's tribe, the foodies tribe...you get the idea. Many of these folks I hadn't seen since my diagnosis, so it was especially poignant to see them. After a couple of rough days of chemo effects, I was running on love energy all night! I think I hugged everyone in a 3 block radius! I just felt so humbled and honored to be part of such a vibrant community of caring, creative people.
Speaking of tribes, some members of my family were there to kick off the festivities, namely David and Taylor Plenn, my Bro-in-law and nephew, who come from the musical side of the family! David on guitar and Taylor tearing up the sax. Beautiful. Doing their take on some jazz standards and putting up with me for a little spoken word goofiness.


Dave Plenn and son Taylor making me glad we are related

But let's not forget Austin Burns, who filled in the gap between the jazz and the reggae! Austin is a fantastic guitarist; wise beyond his years, who wowed the crowd with my favorite Hendrix song "Little Wing". Austin is playing at the Belly Up next Wednesday, June 15th, which is in fact his 18th Birthday. I'm hoping to be there. In fact, the whole Burns family rocks and donated an O'Neill wetsuit for the silent auction. Many thanks.

But let's talk about the food! This part was spearheaded by the inimitable Dave Murphey, aka "Murph", one of the most generous, positive and energetic individuals I have had the pleasure of knowing. Many thanks to all the restaurants that donated (can you hear me, Hunzi?) and also thanks to the Erik Pfeiffer and Cat Light for their help (and others, I am sure) My yoga tribe rocks!!



The Girls of Solo on Cedros brought their smiles

Charlie and Mary Moore, dear friends and newest residents of Pacific Station


Roseanne and Ron Hoffman were a joy to see

My daughter Carmen had reminded me the day before that we were there to celebrate life, not cancer, and after raffling off some prizes, it was time for some reggae music!! And celebrate we did to Simple Green, a precociously talented group of musicians that got the dance fever going with mostly original tunes. These young men are GOOD! Upbeat, positive vibes with tight grooves. I've been dancing to reggae music outdoors in funky Leucadia town for about 35 years or more, so I felt right at home. I warned them that the geezers are going to start showing up at their gigs! Many thanks to these excellent young musicians for bringing their skills and vibes to the evenings festivities. Sorry I don't have more pics, but I was busy dancing! If anyone has any, send them over and I will post.


We be jammin'

It was a wonderful night in so many ways. Truly magical for me. I must thank Michael Brown, Mr. Everything, for his help and for manning the beer tent, also Ashely and Evan and Shelton for helping Carmen so much. And my son Myles has such amazingly sincere and soulful friends that are always so good to see. They were right there pitching in. Muchas Gracias, dudes! Betsy Sieble and Andy Oesterle diligently managed the raffle table and generally made themselves available all night. Many thanks. Jim Babwe added perspective both with pixels and with wisdom (and gets credit for the wide angle first image in this post) My daughter Carmen is just amazing, and we are so proud of her.


The alleged perpetrators of this extravaganza:
Elena Burgeno Berman and Carmen Stephens


The fundraiser was a success on so many levels. It will help us with our debt to the hospital and/or keep the wolf from our door during chemo. Really, I want to thank the people of north coastal San Diego county, the artists, small business people, teachers, caregivers. The restaurants that have been so generous... these are the people that make a community. I have always loved my community, and it turns out, apparently, that my community loves me. Friends, family, the arts and the ocean... it is all a man could want. I am truly grateful.


I'll leave you with these words...


Every Breath a Victory

I submitted to the scalpel

I suckled the milk of human kindness

Every breath a victory

Each day a gift

I have been inside tubes

And had tubes inside me

I have rushed down the highway

I have sat so still, I watched leaves unfurl

Every breath a victory

Each day a gift

I have kept poisons out

And let poison in

I lost some muscle

But gained some fortitude

I abandoned some ego

And rediscovered some lost love

I have found the depth of human connection

And it made me weep

I lost my bearings

But I found my way

Every breath a victory

Each day a gift.

- Bruce Stephens, June 2011





Monday, June 6, 2011

It's another techemo Monday...

Life rolls on. It doesn’t slow down for the particulars of your situation. There are drains that clog, light switches that cease to work. Forms to fill out, thank you notes to write. Birthdays to celebrate and newborns to bless and coo over. Gardens to water, weeds to pull, laundry to fold, airport runs, graduations, weddings, visits to the hospital. The river of life cannot be dammed.

Add to this chemo therapy and appointments with the radiation oncologist. Today, I found out that I am not supposed to be taking anti-oxidants during chemo and/or radiation, a big part of my personal health regimen. The thinking is that the chemo works by oxidative stress on the cells, so if one takes anti-oxidants, you might be “protecting” the cancer cells along with you regular cells. Perhaps that is why my symptoms were so mild for the first two treatments. Today, a beautiful Monday in so cal after a little light rain overnight, I had an early appointment at Scripps Green La Jolla, where the radiation oncologist wrote out a flow chart of sorts describing my prognosis and treatment on the paper that covers the exam table, as well as taking us into his office to look at the cat scan. I have to admit it was kinda cool looking at my innards appear and disappear as he scrolled his mouse. But I am still undecided about radiation therapy.

Then up the freeway to Scripps Encinitas for my 3rd chemo. Because of the holiday last Monday, there were only 6 days since my last chemo. And without my anti-oxidants, this session really kicked my arse. I felt like I’d been playing in the NFL without pads. Joint pain and chills mostly, but plenty of other unpleasant sensations. Amy’s folks brought me a sticker, from a neighbor, that says “Blame it on Chemo” I think I will paste it to my forehead. I now feel good enough to get off the couch and write this. Not much, but a start. Coconut water is my new addiction.

I hope to see you all at the Fundraiser on Thursday. I am rather referring to it as The Gathering of the Tribes. My dear daughter Carmen and my dear friend Elena have worked so hard and I am sure it will be a magical night. Also, keep my father Robert Bruce Stephens in your prayers, as he is in the Hospital struggling mightily to regain his health.

Until Thursday,

Swami bruce

Friday, June 3, 2011

The fun is less then a week away!

Hello Everyone!

Just a little update to remind everyone that the Bruce Stephens Fundraiser is less then a week away!

Come out next Thursday, June 9th for a fun night of great local food, raffle, Stone beer, wine, local poets, art, reggae and more! All proceeds will benefit the Bruce Stephens' Foundation.

Admission is free so bring your friends, kids and dogs!

Parking will be limited, so get there EARLY!

Here's some more details....

Thursday, June 9th 2011
7pm - 9:30pm

Pannikin Coffee & Tea
http://pannikincoffeeandtea.com/

Music By:
SIMPLE GREEN
http://www.reverbnation.com/simplegreen

Opening set by:
Dave Plenn
https://www.facebook.com/david.plenn?sk=wall
Taylor Plenn
http://www.taylorplenn.com/Taylor_Plenn/Welcome.html

Last minute items we need are easels for art and gift certificate donations! Please call or email me at:

carmen.a.stephens@gmail.com
(760) 815-2708

To stay up to date with Bruce's health please check back here!

If you want to point anyone to the facebook event please send them here: http://on.fb.me/BruceStephens


Thank you so much. With your help and community support we can get Bruce through this!

Much Love,

Carmen

Friday, May 27, 2011

May Days and Kindness...

Greetings, everyone. I hope you have been enjoying the spectacular May weather we have been forced to endure. Compared to last year's cold, grey spring, this one is really a treat. After a few woozy days due to the initial chemo, I woke up feeling very much better today, actually quite good! Perhaps it was getting started on the herbal protocol from Diane Yamamoto Skowron, a pharmacist and herbologist, owner of Chassom Tea Salon in Pasadena, Ca. Her knowledge of the particular drugs used informs her herbal formulas. My sister Sarah connected us and Diane has provided me with a daily tea to help with chemo symptoms and a powdered mushroom blend, meant to be eaten 4 out of 7 days, to help support the immune system and work with the chemo to fight the cancer.

Perhaps it was the kombucha that I drank yesterday. Call me crazy but I always feel better when I drink that stuff.

Perhaps it was the three wise men who showed up at my house. We shared dinner and watched large athletic young men put an orange ball through hoops in amazing feats of physical prowess.
(I'm rooting for Dallas)

Perhaps it was the visit of the lovely Emily and her newborn Olivia. That precious newborn energy is worth it's weight in gold. (Congratulations Bob and Emily!)

Perhaps it was the beautiful wedding I had the privilege of officiating today at the Scripps Forum, a spectacular seaside setting in La Jolla (Congratulations Kaitlyn and David!)

Perhaps it was feeling useful again, out in the world, part of it and the cycles and rituals therein.

I was forwarded this lovely poem by my sister Shelley:


Kindness

Before you know what kindness really is

you must lose things,

feel the future dissolve in a moment

like salt in weakened broth.

What you held in your hand,

what you counted and carefully saved,

all this must go so you know

how desolate the landscape can be

between the regions of kindness.

How you ride and ride

thinking the bus will never stop,

the passengers eating maize and chicken

will stare out the window forever.


Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,

you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho

lies dead by the side of the road.

You must see how this could be you,

how he too was someone

who journeyed through the night with plans

and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,

you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.

You must wake up with sorrow.

You must speak to it till your voice

catches the thread of all sorrows

and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,

only kindness that ties your shoes

and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,

only kindness that raises its head

from the crowd of the world to say

It is I you have been looking for,

and then goes with you everywhere

like a shadow or a friend.

-Naomi Shihab Nye


I am reminded of these words by the Dalai Lama: "Practice kindness whenever possible. And it is always possible."

Happy Memorial Day everyone.

Peace,

Swami bruce